So it has been quite a while since I last wrote a blog post. I guess life has got in the way! I mean, I love writing, but I just feel snowed under sometimes with the amount of other things I have to do!
It feels like a good time to write though as this year is going to be massive for me.
When I think back a few years back, I would never have dreamt that I would be where I am now. There are a few aspects of my life that really stand out as being pretty amazing achievements!
1) I am graduating this year as a mental health nurse. My training has been an incredible experience for me and I have developed a real passion for my work. I look forward to going in every day and see what the day entails for me. So, some placements have been more exciting than others, but even the ones that are slower in pace e.g. Community placements, I have still tried to look for the positives that I will take away. I have definitely learnt something new each day on each placement. When you want to learn, there is always a way to go about it. I am currently in the process of applying for jobs for when I qualify and I have been invited to an assessment day next week for CAMHS. I am so excited about this. It is my dream coming true. I can’t believe I have nearly finished and will soon be qualified!
2) I get married this year! Now this is something that I didn’t ever really think about before I met my fiancé. He has been an incredible part of my journey. He has been there through thick and thin and right from day 1, he always believed in me. We met when I was still an inpatient in hospital – now that is dedication on his part! Picking someone up who needed some ‘work doing’ on her…!! In all seriousness, he is my complete soul mate and I couldn’t imagine life without him.
3) I am in the best place I have ever been in mentally. So, I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa in late 2004 and throughout all of those years, I have been in ‘ok’ places and absolute dire places. In fact, when I have been on those ‘ok’ places eating wise, it is usually because I was engaging in other behaviours to punish myself for eating. So actually, from 2004-2014 I was really quite unwell. At times, I coped with life – did a degree…somehow, but for a lot of those years, I was pretty much a write off. And now? Fantastic. I have never been in such a good place. I am physically healthy! As a result of this, my mind is getting a really good chance to heal. I am no longer counting calories, I am not obsessed over my weight, I am not thinking about food 24/7, I can have takeaways when I want and not freak out, I am eating what I want, when I want and most importantly, I am happy. I am learning to accept and love my healthy body. I am embracing my curves and enjoying the things that my healthy body now allows me to do. At one time, I was obsessed with exercise and is lead to my long ED admission, but now? I can do my classes for fun and don’t feel compelled to go. I only go now because I actually really enjoy myself and feel a sense of accomplishment when I feel myself get fitter!
4) One last thing to add…April 2016 will mark 3 years self harm free!!! If you had asked me 4 years a go if this would ever be the case, I would have said definitely not!!
So these are the major things that spring to mind right now.
I am, for once in my life, proud of myself and I can allow myself to be proud too, which is something I always struggled with. Why shouldn’t I be proud of myself? I have worked incredibly hard for all of this. It hasn’t been handed to me – I have worked for it through sheer determination and perseverance that things could be better.